Moderation is a word we hear all the time in regards to wine, dark chocolate, red meat, and our comments.
Try to leave a comment on most blogs and you will see that people are actively moderating who gets to say what.
This, I think, is a gorgeous thing that speaks to our inherent sanity as people.
After all, what is the act of moderating comments saying but “This is myblog, and it will be the type of place I want it to be, with the words I want to see, and that’s that!”
It seems like a very healthy thing to be doing!
But then, what about the things we say to ourselves?
How well do we moderate those?
Personally, I would have thought I had decent self-talk moderation. That is, until I accidentally left my iPhone in a driveway of an abandoned house a few days ago right as the rain was starting to fall. Then, you would have a hard time believing the types of things I was saying to myself about myself.
Had they been blog comments from a stranger, I would have deleted them hastily and locked my door.
But they were my own comments. To myself. Unedited, unloving, and dreadfully un-moderated.
Since I was already contemplating doing a blog post about comments awaiting moderation, I had a relative breakthrough.
We can use the self-serving and self-protective mindset we have on our blogs to benefit the rest of our lives by watching our own mental self-directed comments and at least giving them some of the objectivity that we give to other people!
We can start by thinking of the criteria we use to filter comments. Everyone is different. Most likely, we save the comments that make us feel good, it seems. We want the people who are nice to us, nice to our blog, and encouraging.
We don’t want the people who are mean, or are just letting off steam on our precious blog. We don’t want anyone yelling at someone else, we don’t want people just taking up space to plug their own blog without reading ours.
So, why not apply some of this wonderful self-serving filtration process to our own minds? When we have thoughts that are negative, or just taking up space to mindlessly vouch for themselves, or spamming our consciousness with unnecessary garbage (“Buy a new mascara so that you can be happy! Lose five pounds so that you can be confident!”), just get rid of them. Deny them access into your sacred space of consciousness.
It is much easier in some cases to let stuff go when it is a stranger typing it. Of course, you may end up feeling offended if someone wrote something mean, and that feeling may last a while. But ultimately, you can take a step back, even for a second, to wonder about how it would feel to let it go if it really does not serve you.
That one step is all it takes sometimes for you to regain your footing and look back at things honestly. Maybe the person has a point, maybe they don’t. The only way you can tell is by putting both feed on the ground and thinking clearly without talking badly to yourself or feeling incredibly defensive.
It is often said that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. For those of us that are nice, or helpers, the opposite is perhaps the case. We should treat ourselves as we wish others to be treated. We have no problem protecting others, trying to help, or attempting to be kind. But when it comes to the way we treat ourselves inside, it can sometimes be an ugly situation. At least for me.
So I hope the next time you find yourself doing a wonderfully successful job of moderating comments, that you harness that feeling and apply it to any of your own negative thinking that you wish to stop. If you love your negative or self-critical thinking, then by all means ignore this advice!
Have you ever been strongly affected negatively by a comment? Do you feel that you can moderate your own inside thoughts in a successful way already? I would love to hear about these things!