Yesterday my friend brought me to do an important errand for getting my massage license in Texas. I’ve been putting it off for years and now I am stepping back up to the plate. We began talking about how to make money.
“My wish for you is that you just see what you’re worth. Your time, your knowledge, and your energy is worth a lot more than I think you think it is.” She said, or something close to that.
I realized as she spoke that she was right. I’ve studied massage, but also herbalism and reiki and alternative heading treatments. Before that I studied psychology and Buddhism. I traveled to India to learn from Tibetan monks and traveled around my own country in vans and hitching rides with truck drivers in the south. I’ve lived with old gem collectors, farmers, herbalists and beer brewers. I’ve delved into the minds of con artists and traveling artists, meditators and masters of running away.
I have a lot to draw from.
Recently I went through a break up that I saw coming before the other person did. I know how feelings tend to work, especially when other people come into the equation. What hurts is the feeling of calling it, knowing it, and being told it simply isn’t true. Until it is, and I feel taken off guard and lied to.
I see now the problem wasn’t that he lied, it was that I saw what was happening before he did. I just believed him over myself.
Maybe it’s my personality, maybe it’s growing up as a woman in this culture, maybe it’s a lot of things. But I definitely have a strong tendency to doubt myself and assume anything I offer is a meager second-rate version of what someone else would offer. My friend and her words to me make me want to spend a decent amount of energy paying attention to this.
I’m sure that for all of us, there are experiences that feed our view of the world in ways that give us extra insight. Sometimes we forget how these experiences actually enhance our “value” in every area of life we choose to engage with. Sometimes we doubt the plain and simple truth because we start thinking too much about how other people see it, and just like that, it’s as if all the time we spent on our passions and indulging our curiosity is wasted in a way because we aren’t listening to it.
But I would like to do a better job of listening to and respecting my own flavor of hard-earned wisdom, and respecting the same in others. I wonder how it will shift the daily flavor of my existence to do that.
How about you, do you feel like you have life experiences that add to the way you are able to assess situations now differently than some people you are close to?
Do you doubt yourself a lot, is that a problem?
Can you think of ways to be more aware of your gifts and share them with greater confidence so the world around you can benefit from your unique flavor of wisdom?
Enjoy Life For Once! 
Jennifer! I have missed you in the blogosphere. Sorry to hear of your breakup. I hope you weren’t to sad. Your friend was right! You are worth a lot, a valuable girl. Do keep it in mind.
Much love,
Sindy
Aw I hope you are well Sindy! You are amazing 🙂 I will catch up on your blog soon, it’s probably just what I need right now 🙂
Really missed you. Are you still performing and making music?
Hello again Ms. Stuart. Nice to see your thoughts and opinions on WordPress. I’m sorry about your relationship coming to an end.
I find it interesting that you, at the beginning of this post, seemed to doubt yourself, and yet in the past you have often provided a wealth of positive notions on life and experience.
Regarding your questions Ma’am, I believe that everyone probably experiences life occurrences that assist them in translating the world around them and the people that occupy their world, however, I think this also depends on the consistency of said occurrence – good or bad, and either will show these aspects in people and society.
Moreover, I think each person has doubt, perhaps some more than others, at one point or another, and lastly, I believe, in order to be aware of our gifts, we need to have put in the time to acquire them, through life experience and education. By doing this, we are able to draw from them, and the more frequently we do so, the more quickly they become reflex, which are then not only applied to our lives, but upon the lives of others.
Take care Ma’am.
Thank you for your perspective, I always love it and it continues to open my eyes. I like the idea of things becoming reflex. Self doubting thoughts I think are part of my reflex response sometimes, and it’s good to remember that that hasn’t always been the case and it probably won’t remain the case if I keep writing and learning and communicating 🙂 all my favorite things. I hope you are well!
good to see you back, sorry about the breakup……I have become a big believer in when one door closes another one opens……we just have to have the courage to go through the door and I know for me courage always means changes……..sometimes we don’t notice the door or hesitant or we may even want to stay on this side of the door……..oh no …..I have found a way to add the dreaded word…………”but”
take care
For AT LEAST the last month I’ve been wondering about the life and times of Jennifer Stuart, where the wind has been taking you, when you’d touch earth again to share it. And here you are. Another threshold crossed, lessons learned, and new ones on the horizon. To be human is to doubt as surely as it is to believe. At least I think so! In my experience, those who are dead sure of themselves are usually idiots and fools. Been one of those, actually. True suffering, and absorbing the lessons of pain rather than fleeing from it and them, generally is the cure. At least it can be. So ironic how suffering makes us doubt everything, doubt ourselves, our faith, everything, and yet never is our vision more clear. At least this is what I have found. And if that’s my flavor of wisdom, what a sucky flavor it is!
So GOOD to see you here again. Looking forward to more as you journey on, Jennifer.
Peace.
Excellent points as always 🙂 this type of clear and vulnerable vision is not one I’ve had for awhile, it’s hard but yes so real! The challenge is to not run from that tenderness every chance I get by finding a new escape. That right now is my work. I think of you often and I hope you are well!
I am! Never better. Dancing much on numb feet on fire. 🙂
there are times I ignore my own intuition and trust others … which I know it´s a mistake but I cannot help it …
It’s probably a good thing that at least sometimes we can recognize it as a mistake, right? Then we can maybe make a better choice next time 🙂 I try the same thing!
We do our best, what else!!! 🙂